You Already Have Courage
How to become more Courageous by seeing the thread of Courage running through your life
Writer’s Note: The original version of this article referred to “Moments of Courage” rather than “Journeys of Courage.” I’ve edited the piece reflect the idea of “Journeys” because I believe that’s more representative of what they are. Each of these Journeys follow the stages of Courage outlined here.
“How do I become more Courageous?”
If you’re asking yourself that question, I imagine you looking around yourself, hoping to extract Courage from thin air. Like, where can I get it from? How can I will myself into Courage?
One of the best places to start is to see yourself as Courageous already.
As I talked about last week, we’ve mythologized Courage so much that we rarely think of ourselves as Courageous. And it’s a total shame.
But if you reflect carefully on your life so far—as we’ll do below—you’ll be able to illuminate the invisible thread of Courage that runs through it. A thread that’s always been there, continues to be there, and can light up when you need it.
As you see the thread, you’ll start to:
Recognize Courage as a practice you’ve already called on consistently
Appreciate the role Courage has played in moving you toward yourself
Learn how Courage shows up for you specifically
Be emboldened to stand in Courage more regularly and deeply
Ultimately, seeing yourself as Courageous in the past is a powerful way to access more Courage for yourself now.
Step 1: Mapping the Journeys
You’ll start by identifying five Journeys of Courage in your life.
Remember:
Courage is about moving toward yourself. Consider the times you pursued a journey toward yourself when it might’ve been easier to follow in someone else’s path. When did you stand up for something you believed in? When did you zig when everyone else zagged? When did you do something your parents didn’t expect you to do? When did you go after what you wanted in life, even when it was uncertain, risky, or unknown?
Courage is a practice. There’s no threshold to clear in terms of “how much” Courage you used. Don’t overthink it, and don’t worry about clearing some arbitrary, exaggerated standard of Courage.
You are the judge of your own Courage. Because Courage is about moving toward yourself, only you know when you’re in it. Don’t concern yourself with whether someone else would consider your actions Courageous or not. If it feels Courageous to you, then that’s enough.
Now take a piece of paper. At the top of the page, I want you to write your first significant memory of being Courageous.
Think back to when you were a kid or a teen.
Write it down as a brief statement, like, “When I told my parents I wanted to take art classes” or “When I decided to do an independent school project.” Now write how old you were next to that statement.
At the bottom of the page, I want you to write your most recent memory of being Courageous. Something from the last year or two of your life.
Again, write it out as a brief statement, like, “I switched careers“ or “I got a divorce.” Write how old you were next to it.
Now scan the years in between the first and most recent Journeys of Courage, and list at least three more times when you were Courageous. When did you take a leap of faith to pursue a hobby or education? When did you do something that was important to you?
Write those Journeys out as brief statements, and then write how old you were next to each of them.
For reference, here’s what mine looks like:
When I came out of the closet at 16
When I moved to and lived in Japan at 22
When I took an unconventional job after business school at 29
When I adopted my son and started a family at 34
When I left my tech career at 39
For me, these were life Journeys when I was moving toward myself (toward my identity, my values, my dreams for myself). And I can see the Courage I relied on leading up to the actions described above, and the Courage I continued to rely on as a result of them. That’s why it’s a Journey of Courage.
Step 2: Revealing the Thread
I’ll ask you some questions below—feel free to journal or write notes on your paper.
Revealing the thread is about deepening your understanding of when and how you’ve accessed Courage in your life. Remember, there’s not one ideal of Courage. It’s always going to look different from person to person—which, by the way, is a beautiful thing! It means more people can access Courage, which means we can have more of it in the world.
Building Awareness: Overall, when you look at your Journeys of Courage, what do you notice? In these Journeys, how did you know you were being Courageous? What did it feel like? What kinds of thoughts did you have?
Your First Journey: Your first Journey can often give you a deep sense of connection to and ownership of Courage. Why was this Journey important to you? Where did the Courage “come from”? How did you know you’d be okay?
Frequency: How many years apart are these Journeys typically? Has it been a steady pace of Courage, or more bundled at certain periods of your life? Don’t judge it—just be curious about it and see what it tells you.
The Benefits: What did your Courage allow you to experience, to get closer to? Has Courage always been worth it for you? If so, does it make you want to be more Courageous today? If not, what would make it worth it?
Appreciation: It’s always going to be easy to discount your own Courage or find reasons why you could’ve been more Courageous than you were. Put that aside for now. What do you appreciate about these Journeys? What do you appreciate about yourself?
So, how do you become more Courageous?
Sometimes people ask that question and believe they have to change their whole personality in order to be more Courageous. Instead, I hope you start to see your own connection to Courage. You’ve had it your whole life—and can continue to call on it.
Next Sunday, we’re going to talk about fear! And we’re going to explore a simple strategy for putting our fears in perspective.
- Elliot
Each week, I’ll ask a handful of questions here for you to contemplate so you can connect to Courage in your own way.
Complete the exercise above. What are you realizing about the role Courage has played in your life? What insight do you want to hold onto here?
Instead of asking yourself “How do I become more Courageous?” try asking yourself, “How do I hold Courage closer in my life and how do I practice it more regularly?”
As you see the thread of Courage in your own life, what do you feel empowered (or even obligated) to do as a result of seeing it?