Courage Dies in Black and White
How you can access more Courage by consciously facing this cognitive bias
The more I pay attention to Courage, the more I see how often we block ourselves from accessing it. It’s like we’re standing at the doorway of Courage, and we just don’t walk in—or we open the door, shut it, and walk away.
It’s never a question of where we can find Courage. We’re literally standing at its doorway! It’s a question of understanding what’s keeping us from walking in, allowing ourselves to practice it.
There are countless ways we block ourselves from Courage: not thinking we have it, not listening to ourselves, leaning into irrational cognitive biases, and many others.
Today we’ll discuss black and white thinking: one of the most common cognitive biases that keeps us standing at the doorway of Courage.
We’ll cover:
Why we use it
How it blocks us from Courage
What you can do about it
Why we use it
Black and white thinking is a thought pattern that makes people think in absolutes: all or nothing, right or wrong, good or bad, success or failure. It’s an either/or mindset.
I use it, you use it, we all use it.
In some cases, black and white thinking can be associated with and lead to major disorders. But it’s not necessarily distorted. That’s to say, black and white thinking is a cognitive evolution that’s designed to help us in certain situations.
Some of its advantages:
It can serve as a heuristic. Black and white thinking can distill a complex situation into a simple choice when we need to make a quick decision. When an urgent decision must be made, it can help us narrow our options so we can act more immediately.
It can help us manage our fears. Black and white thinking can help us get grounded when we might be inclined to let our fears takeover. It can make an overwhelming situation feel manageable.
We can appreciate that black and white thinking is well-intentioned and has its purpose. But we can also recognize that it can be misinformed, misapplied, and overused. (In that way, it’s similar to fear).
How it blocks us from Courage
There’s a time and place for black and white thinking. When you’re considering making the leap into Courage is usually not one of them.
Here’s why:
It creates a false sense of urgency. Black and white thinking asks us to frame everything as an imminent threat. Sure, we might feel the urgency of threats that Courage poses to us—what we might lose, what might go wrong—but most times it’s not a life or death situation. We usually have the opportunity to move fully on our own timeline and at our own pace.
It gives us limited options. Black and white thinking doesn’t allow us to see the complexity and uncertainty of life. It doesn’t account for gradations between absolutes. And sometimes it presents false absolutes entirely. It keeps us from accessing the range of information we’ll need to practice Courage.
It keeps us in stasis. My definition of Courage is “the practice of moving toward yourself.” The operative word here is “moving". If you’re telling yourself, “Hey, I have a feeling I want to pursue this thing for myself,” but then you’re having to choose between “Success” and “Failure” or between “All” or “Nothing”, those are very daunting choice to make. It’s going to be a choice that’s much easier to avoid, delay, or eliminate entirely.
It’s not lost on me that most people will think of the very notion of Courage in black and white, too. You either have it or you don’t, you’re either Courageous or you’re Weak. Like, why? Why do we do that to ourselves? What would open up for you if you were to see Courage more as a spectrum, as something you always have access to but will naturally access at different levels throughout your life?
What you can do about it
What I love about writing this newsletter is finding all the ways we can teach ourselves to be more Courageous. Instead of buying into the myth that Courage spontaneously emerges from god-knows-where, we can actually learn how to have more of it.
Consciously facing your black and white thinking is a powerful way you can learn to step through the doorway of Courage.
Here are some ideas how to do that:
1. Recognize how it shows up in you
Understanding how you typically express black and white thinking is an important step toward building your awareness of it. When you can be aware, you can choose how to respond to it.
For me, I know I’m getting into black and white thinking when I start comparing myself to others. Comparing is a form of perfectionism for me, which is its own type of black and white thinking.
For others, you may hear yourself use strong words like “always” or “never”, or just feel like yourself contracting, like you have scarce choices in front of you.
2. Find the threat and work with it
When you find yourself in black and white thinking, ask yourself what the threat is. Remember, black and white thinking usually shows up in the presence of an imminent threat, either perceived or real. Let the presence of that threat serve as a signal for you. What’s the fear there? Then work with that fear.
3. Draw a scale between opposites
If you’re looking at a situation in black and white thinking, put those absolutes on a visual scale. Draw a horizontal line and number it 1 through 10. On the left, put one absolute. On the right, put the other absolute.
Now what’s in the middle of those two? What’s at 5? What’s at 2 or 7? Assign a set of feelings to each of those points, and see what you realize about the range you see. Let that information guide your next step. This expands your view and lets you imagine how you might move along the scale.
4. Draw a scale of just one idea
Another option is to blow up the idea of the absolutes entirely. Not everything needs or is served by an opposite. The whole scale could be “Success”, with 1 being the lowest level of Success and 10 being the highest level of Success. “Failure” doesn’t even need to be present. Now explore what you’d feel at various points on that scale.
5. Challenge the very idea of opposites
If you find yourself in a position of saying “I can either do X or I can do Y”, be curious about that. Is Y truly the opposite of X? What else could be an opposite of X? Do they need to be opposites? Could you have both?
We often blindly associate opposites without even thinking about it. Who is to say Failure is the opposite of Success, for instance? What do you think is the opposite of Perfectionism? Some might say Laziness or Carelessness. For me, the opposite is Possibility. Same question for Courage—is the opposite Weakness or Fearfulness? I’d say it’s Conformity. Explore the options!
6. Widen your perspective
Sometimes we create a pressure cooker for ourselves unnecessarily. Try combatting the idea that there’s something imminent, that you have to decide right this moment, that you only have one shot.
Instead, focus your attention beyond the perceived threat. Ask yourself: In the book of your life, what would you call this chapter? What would you call the next chapter? One year from now, how do you expect to look back at this moment?
Or ask yourself: What’s the wisdom—the thing you know in your heart to be true—that can neutralize your black and white thinking? When I find myself comparing to others, for instance, I tap into my wisdom that everyone’s experience is valid, and that there are countless ways to do something well.
7. Enlist support
I’m great at hearing black and white thinking in others, but I don’t always hear myself when I do it. Thankfully I have a coach who can reflect it back to me when it shows up in our conversations.
Engage people in your world to keep their ears open for it, particularly when you’re in a journey of Courage or you know you might be prone to it. Let your friend, partner, or family member know what to look out for, and how you want them to alert you to it when they hear it.
Black and white thinking is one of those things that, once I became attuned to it, I could hear it in so many conversations. Naming it and calling it out can be a huge gift—like the release of a pressure valve, opening up possibilities.
After all, black and white thinking is just a cognitive tool, but not reflective of life itself. To move in Courage, we need access to the full range of color.
- Elliot
✍️ Comment with Courage
Let’s talk about it together (or feel free to consider these questions privately).
Some prompts:
What does black and white thinking sound like for you? When have you heard it in others?
If you think of the idea that we’re often standing at Courage’s door and don’t walk in (or walk away), what does that make you aware of? What does that empower you to do?
Are there any advantages to black and white thinking when it comes to standing in Courage?
Which alternatives to black and white thinking sound most appealing to you? How can you try to practice these in your own life?