Leaping to Courage
How to arrive at this pivotal moment faster and with greater ease
When I visualize Courage, sometimes I imagine the idea of spaces.
Because Courage is the practice of moving toward yourself, you’re essentially moving from the space you’re standing in today to the space you want to be in.
“I want to leave my job”
“I want to pursue my artistic side”
“I want to share more about my identity with others”
“I want to be a better parent”
These are all examples of moving from the familiar spot you currently inhabit to an unfamiliar, risky, unclear spot you desire.
Leaping is the moment you officially start moving from one space to the other. It’s one of the hardest actions to take, and can be the difference between staying stuck and getting where you want.
In this newsletter, you’ll learn:
Why Leaping is so critical to Courage
What Leaping looks like
How to get to Leaping with greater ease
1. Why Leaping is so critical
It’s important to recognize what comes right before Leaping: a cycle of Yearning and Bargaining.
Yearning is a desire you have for yourself—when you truly listen to yourself, it’s your internal longing to occupy a new space.
Bargaining is the mechanism you employ to maintain the status, security, or identity you worked hard for and enjoy.
It’s a type of self-negotiation characterized by:
Delaying (“Maybe I’ll move later”)
Minimizing (“I’m lucky and comfortable—I shouldn’t complain about where I’m at”)
Compromising (“With some minor changes, I can handle where I’m at”)
Demeaning (“I don’t have what it takes to move”)
Protecting (“I’m going to be judged if I move”)
The result is that you stay put. You could Bargain endlessly and never move from one space to another.
Leaping, however, cuts off the Bargaining. It pulls the emergency brakes on the Yearning-Bargaining loop, and is the moment you say, “The space I’m standing is no longer for me. I don’t know exactly what’s in the new space, but I know I need to leave this spot.”
Once you Leap, you can begin Navigating the Forest—on your way to a new space, a new sense of self.
2. What Leaping looks like
To access more Courage, it can help to visualize different elements of it. So, what does Leaping look like for you?
A dramatic Leap?
A tiny Leap?
A confident Leap, a panicked Leap, a mix-of-emotions Leap?
There’s no right answer. Leaps will look different from person to person, and even situation to situation.
What’s important, though, is being aware of all the possibilities so you don’t revert to the typical myths that keep Courage out of our reach. When I searched for an image to accompany this post, for instance, the results mostly looked like this below: heroic, awe-inspiring, full-bodied, and thrill-seeking.
Most of us won’t Leap like this—nor do we need to.
There are many quieter ways to Leap: confiding in a friend, taking a small action, or acknowledging a truth silently to yourself. For me, Leaping is something anyone can do at any moment. It’s often a small, subtle act that magically opens new possibilities.
3. How to get to Leaping with greater ease
Getting out of the Yearning-Bargaining loop isn’t easy. Without interruption, you could cycle between them in perpetual motion.
The skill of Leaping—making your first step forward—requires you to break the cycle.
Here are a few ways you can do that.
The Push: the pain of your current space intensifies
This is a common scenario that leads to Leaping. Your current situation becomes so unbearable that it creates an imbalance and forces you to Leap. Usually it manifests physically in poor sleep, fatigue, or bodily discomfort.
It can be a distressing way to Leap, but you shouldn’t judge yourself if you find yourself in this position. A Leap is a Leap! You demonstrate a lot of resilience here, and in some cases the pain can fuel your conviction as you move forward.
If you can learn some of the skills below, you can try to avert this level of pain.
The Pull: The promise of your new space intensifies
It’s easy to get stuck in the Yearning and Bargaining loop when you’re not 100% sure what the new space entails. Allowing yourself to connect to all the meaning, joy, and opportunity that await you can pull you to Leaping.
Your job here is to transform the new space from an abstract idea to a vision that’s more concrete and alive. Let yourself explore.
A few different ways you can do that:
Write out your “Glittery Vision”: If you have a general sense of the direction you’re wanting to go, but still feel stuck in place, try imagining the ideal future that’s pulling you forward. I call it the “Glittery Vision” but you can name it however you like. In this perfect scenario, what would you be feeling and doing? What would that new space open up and add to your life? Take a blank page and write out as many things as possible.
Map out potential paths: If you’re clear you need to move but less sure of your direction, then brainstorm a bunch of different options. Personally, I’ve used Designing Your Life, where you map out the 5-year vision for 3 distinct journeys. Considering several options can help you clarify where you’re going and pull you toward it.
Create a life purpose statement: I’m a huge fan of developing a life purpose statement—an expression of the impact you want to have on the world and the way you want to show up. There are many ways to create one (I’ll probably dedicate a whole post to this soon), but it’s a powerful tool that can pull you forward.
The Float Above: You recognize the cycle and take a bigger view
Remember, Bargaining aims to keep you in place. It’s well intentioned, but that doesn’t mean it works in good faith. Bargaining often achieves its means by distracting you or keeping you in your present concerns.
To disempower your Bargaining, take a broader view or ask yourself yes/no questions. While I’m generally a fan of nuance (see: Why Courage Dies in Black and White), I do think a yes/no binary can accelerate the Leap. Whereas Bargaining tries to delay a decision to move, a binary forces one.
Consider asking yourself some of the following questions:
What will I say about this moment a year from now? Remove yourself from the cycle and consider this moment in the broader picture of your life. What does your future self say about this moment? If you were a character in your life’s story, what would you do next?
What do I need to feel safe? We feel more comfortable Leaping when we know there’s a floor below us. Sometimes it’s a financial cushion, sometimes it’s knowing we’ll be loved, sometimes it’s a backup plan. Figure out what you need. Then get it in place or stay alert to when it presents itself to you.
Am I currently in the right space? When you’re honest with yourself, do you belong where you’re standing now? Do you actively want to be there? When you can definitively acknowledge you’re in the wrong space, you give Bargaining less to work with.
And, as always, you can choose to do nothing. Know that recognizing the Yearning-Bargaining loop doesn’t obligate you to Leap. It may not be time. That’s not a failure on your part, and not a reflection of weakness.
Try to be conscious when you’re in the Yearning-Bargaining cycle. If nothing else, it’s a signal you’re in the land of Courage.
You can Leap to Courage when you’re ready.
- Elliot
✍️ Comment with Courage
Let’s talk about it together (or feel free to consider these questions privately).
Some prompts:
When you see Courage as moving between spaces, what does that open up for you? What new insight or possibility becomes available?
What’s your relationship to Leaping? Does it feel exhilarating, scary, full of possibility or full of dread? What do you want your relationship to Leaping to be?
If you’re caught in the Yearning-Bargaining cycle right now, what’s one way you can try to increase your ability to Leap?