It’s a little podcast! I’m exploring doing more audio on here—just speaking from the heart and sharing it with you all. I recorded this 5-minute audio, and I’ve transcribed a reader-friendly version below. Huge thanks to my college friend, George, for teaching me the basics of recording good quality audio and to my former colleague, Scott, for the encouragement.
Also, would you do me a favor? Would you comment or reply to this email and let me know what you think? I get fuel from hearing your thoughts and feedback. 🙏
When I started my coaching practice in the early days, I remember not being able to let go of the past year or two when things just felt so hard for me. I was unhappy in my career, I was trying to navigate challenges in my relationships, in my marriage, and health problems that my parents were going through—a lot of things that happen when you're in your late 30s and early 40s.
And I just kept looking back thinking, “Why couldn't I have known better? Why couldn't I have figured out earlier that I needed something new? Why did I feel so lost for so long, and why did I struggle?”
Sure, there's some perfectionist in me that held an ideal that I should’ve been able to know it all and have done it seamlessly. And yet still I kept looking back, like, “Why can't I move on from this?”
A coaching session with a peer helped me get to the bottom of it. I figured out that, when I was really confused and struggling and feeling lost, I was basically a seed in the dirt trying to navigate my way above ground—trying to reach toward the sun and be able to bloom into a flower.
As I say it, I kind of roll my eyes. It's such a cliche metaphor. But it became powerful to me.
And I drew out a little picture with some markers showing this green stem going through this brown dirt and breaking ground, blossoming flowers and leaves reaching toward the sun.
What I learned is that, even in the times when I was feeling lost—when I was feeling like I didn't know where I was going and I wasn't sure what to do next—I was actually heading toward myself. I was actually reaching towards something: a better way of being, a way of being where I could be more connected to my purpose, and just make a bigger impact with more ease.
And I think about this as a coach. Often people don't see themselves in this process. They only see themselves in the dirt…below ground…in the dark…being lost and maybe a little bit scared and frustrated. They don't see that that's all part of the process of finding the light, finding a better way of being.
I actually keep my drawing taped to my computer monitor. I look at it every now and then to realize that, even when I'm feeling lost today, even as I'm months into my coaching practice and having my own business, even now I'm reaching toward a future version of myself.
And I'll continue to be doing that. I'm never going to be fully lost. I'm actually always going somewhere. And that gives me comfort. That takes the pressure off me from having to know everything today. And it lets me see this as part of a lifelong process of reaching toward myself.
And so for you:
If you're feeling a little bit lost or frustrated or wondering why you can't just be there already…where are you in this process? Might it be possible that you're in the dirt trying to find your way out? That you're actually moving, even though it doesn't feel like it?
Think of past journeys of Courage you've been on. Have they resembled this at all? Have there been times where you've felt like you’re underground in the dirt, but in hindsight, you realize you're actually heading toward the sun?
What does that tell you about the realities of life and the journey of Courage? And might you be willing to give yourself a break—and to feel even more clear that you're actually moving toward yourself?
- Elliot
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0. The Flower